


Sirius Comes Out to Remus

by simplysirius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Coming Out, Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Relationship(s), Remus x Sirius, sirius x remus, wolfstar, wolfstar angst, wolfstar fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:42:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29205312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplysirius/pseuds/simplysirius
Summary: Sirius finally realizes that he might not be as straight as he thought, and struggles to confess his heart to Remus.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 136





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @simplysirius for daily fics and fan art! I also take requests :)

The first time Sirius noticed that something was different was in his fourth year, when five different girls asked him to Hogsmeade for Valentine’s Day and he found a reason to turn every one of them down.

“You said no to Anna? Fifth year, Ravenclaw Seeker, Anna?” James asked incredulously, loud enough for the whole castle to hear.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders, staring at the ceiling above his bed. “Not my type.”

“Then who is?”

“I don’t know, not her.”

Remus peered over his book, watching the way Sirius’ lips pressed tightly together, the taste of Anna’s name bitter in his mouth. “So you don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day?”

“He’s boring,” James said proudly, puffing his chest, “I’m going out with Lily.”

Remus snorted. “She said no, and you said you’ll save her a hot chocolate.”

“Then it’ll just be Moony and me,” Sirius said, entirely charmed with the idea. A day in Hogsmeade with Remus all to himself sounded much better than hanging on the arm of a girl wearing too much perfume and lip gloss. Remus didn’t need all that frilly stuff.

Remus was perfect just the way he was.

They came back from Hogsmeade early that day, after Sirius suddenly panicked inside Honeydukes, watching Remus nibble on his chocolate croissant. There was bits of fudge on the corners of his mouth, and the only thing Sirius could think about was wiping it off, with a napkin or even his lips. Kissing the chocolate off Remus’ face. Tasting the pastry on his tongue. It made Sirius stumble backwards, straight into a display of cookie cutters and knocking them all down, metallic pieces clattering to the floor. Without a word, he bolted back to the castle, Remus hot on his heels.

“Sirius, wait,” Remus called, running through the Gryffindor common room and up the stairs. His lungs burned from sprinting back from the village, but he refused to stop until he could figure out what had happened.

Throwing the bedroom door open, Remus hung on the doorknob, wheezing for breath. “What’s going on?”

“I think something is wrong with me,” Sirius said, his voice climbing an octave as his chest constricted and the air rushed out of his lungs. He paced in the middle of the room, his arms crossed on his chest, fingers digging into his flesh. “I think I’m broken.”

Remus closed the door and rushed to his side, perching on the bed and sweeping the hair out of Sirius’ eyes so he could see the terror tattooed in the creases of his face. “Do you need to lie down? I can get Madame Pomfrey?”

“No I–” Sirius shook his head, the words dying on his tongue. “I just need you.”

“I’m here,” Remus insisted, a gentle hand on the small of his back. Sirius’ muscles tensed under his touch, and his eyes squeezed closed, as if Remus had sent a bolt of lightning up his spine. “You’re starting to scare me, though.”

“Sorry.” After a tense moment, the silence suffocating them like a heavy blanket, Sirius took a deep breath. “I think…I don’t like girls.”

Remus blinked, expecting something far worse. “Okay. That’s…okay.”

“It’s not okay!” Sirius nearly shouted, digging his fingers into his scalp. “That’s not…normal, right? I should like girls. James likes girls. You like girls. Why can’t I?”

Remus tried not to flinch at the sound of his name in that sentence. He licked his lips, slow to respond. “You don’t have to like anybody you don’t want to. You can like whoever you want.”

“I can’t like boys!”

“Why not?”

“Because…because…” Sirius stuttered, not able to find a valid reason. “Because my mother won’t allow it.”

Remus frowned. “Your mother doesn’t allow for long hair or sons sorted into Gryffindor. That never stopped you.”

Sirius went to open his mouth, but when he did, nothing came out. Not a whisper, not a whimper, not a thing. Remus was right. Remus was always right. His shoulders fell from his ears and his nostrils flared.

“Does it make me weird?”

“You’re definitely weird, Pads, but not because you like boys,” Remus assured, nudging their shoulders together. Sirius leaned closer, and Remus gladly took his weight. “It doesn’t make you anything. It just makes you…you.”

Sirius swallowed, the relief bubbling through the wound in his heart and spilling down his body. “It doesn’t make things…weird? I mean, it doesn’t ruin everything?”

“Why would it?”

“I like boys,” Sirius said, hoping that would explain everything. Remus waited. “Last time I checked, you’re a boy. Same with James.”

“You checked?” Remus raised a teasing eyebrow.

Sirius let his head fall in his hands, stifling another cry. “Oh my god.”

“No, no, hey, I’m sorry, I was kidding,” Remus insisted quickly, pulling Sirius’ hands into his. “Sirius, there’s nothing wrong with you. Absolutely nothing, I promise. We love you for you; it doesn’t matter who you are or what you do, we will always love you, understand?”

Sirius nodded slowly, his lip still quivering beneath his clenched teeth. Before Remus could say another word, thick tears slipped down Sirius’ cheeks, dripping off his chin and staining his jumper. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius, gently rocking him.

“You don’t have to cry, Pads, don’t cry.”

“No,” Sirius said, shaking his head, pushing away just enough to peer at Remus through blurry vision. The tears dripped from his eyes and into the corners of his mouth, pulled upwards in a delicate smile. “I’m so…happy. I’m so happy that you know.”

“I’m so happy you told me,” Remus said, drying Sirius’ tears with the sleeve of his sweater. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t before.”

“It’s scary,” Sirius agreed, the color starting to return to his face, “but I feel like I can breathe again, you know? Everything looks a little brighter.”

Remus grinned. “Bright like a rainbow?”

“Exactly.”

James came in some time later, and Sirius said he accidentally poked himself in the eye with his wand to explain his splotchy eyes rubbed raw. It was believable enough for James to roll his eyes, grab his towel, and disappear into the shower without another word. Sirius had told Remus, but James was a whole other mountain to climb, and he was so tired, blinking felt like a chore.

As Remus held Sirius that night, just as he had done for the last five years, but his heart pounded in his chest and his stomach churned, thinking about how free Sirius felt with his secret in the air.

Maybe it was time that Remus do the same thing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Sirius comes out to Remus, a particular werewolf decides that maybe it’s time he do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @simplysirius for daily fics and fan art! I also take requests :)

Every time Remus tried to tell him, the words died on his sandpaper tongue and he was left gasping for air.

Every shooting star that streaked across the sky, Remus wished for the courage to tell Sirius that girls were fine, but he liked boys. He loved boys.

Every little gesture Sirius made, from the way he swept his hair off his neck to the way he hummed a quiet song in the mornings while getting dressed, drove Remus insane.

Sirius had told James, and decided that the rest of the school didn’t quite need to know yet. James hugged the hell out of him and then promptly asked if he thought he was hot, for purely scientific Lily Evans reasons, which Sirius refused to answer. The thing Remus noticed, though, was that nothing changed, just like he had promised.

James still threw off his clothes and strutted around the room in his boxers when the warm spring air blew through their open windows, and they still huddled together, legs tangled and heads knocking together, under the invisibility cloak in the dead of night. Sirius’ confession hadn’t made him Sirius: the gay one, it had simply just made him Sirius: honest and brave.

Remus wondered if that made him Remus: the coward.

There had been plenty of opportunities to let the words slip, just a casual sentence in passing, but each time, without fail, Remus couldn’t do it. Not when Sirius was flipping through a magazine commenting on all the men he thought were cute, not when James asked if he had a crush on any of the girls giggling in the back corner of the library, not when they were all gathered in front of the window of the prank shop, gawking over the newest fake love potions.

So Remus waited.

He spent the summer before fifth year drowning in the haze of the grass fields surrounding his home, arms folded behind his head as he watched the clouds pass. He recited the words to the flowers, to the birds flitting from the tree tops, to his reflection in the pond. It was all so easy; the roses wouldn’t run away, the robins wouldn’t laugh, the world would keep spinning.

What would Sirius do?

Maybe nothing. Maybe twist his nose in disgust and abandon him, taking James and Lily and everything Remus had come to hold so dear with him. There was so much to lose, sometimes it felt like there was nothing to gain.

Maybe he could just ignore the pounding of his heart and never tell anyone. Maybe he could live his whole life pretending he was happy, find a girl that was nice enough, and settle down in a dusty little flat in London with a child.

As soon as he saw Sirius waiting on the platform in King’s Cross, Remus knew he could never survive such a lonely life without him.

Sirius had grown taller and his hair longer, and he wore his confidence like a cape; effortlessly cool and uninterested in everything and everyone except the boy with glasses standing next to him, and the boy staring at him with timid, honeyed eyes.

“Moony!” He called, waving his hands as his face cracked in half with a wide grin. “About time you showed up!”

Had Remus stalled outside of the station for half an hour, steeling himself to be face to face with Sirius for the first time in months? No comment.

“Hey Pads,” Remus greeted, tugging his bag over his shoulder as Sirius engulfed him in a tight hug. There were muscles rippling along his back that hadn’t been there before, tight and strong under Remus’ palms, and he swallowed thickly. “Sorry for the wait.”

The train ride was loud, with James insisting that his new glasses would finally make Lily fall in love with him – Remus thought they looked the exact same – and rambling on about the upcoming Quidditch season, while Sirius laughed loudly as the color returned to his face for the first time in months. Remus tried to smile along, but his stomach churned every time Sirius’ lyric laugh filled the air, and when the sweets cart rolled to their door, he declined buying even a single chocolate frog.

He ate little at dinner too, his mind more focused on Sirius’ knee brushing his, their elbows bumping as Sirius scooped another heap of potatoes onto his plate.

The blankets lifted, ushering in a swath of cool night air against Remus’ warm skin, as some slipped into bed beside him. Remus turned on his side, face to face with Sirius. It was nothing new, not a strange occurrence for them to share the same bed, but that didn’t stop the electricity jolting through Remus’ body.

“Hi,” he said cautiously.

“Hi. What’s going on?” Sirius whispered, nudging beside Remus on the pillow.

Warm breath splashed Remus’ cheeks, and he was only too glad that Sirius couldn’t see the furious blush consuming his face. “With what?”

“With you. You didn’t buy any chocolate on the train today.”

He noticed. Of course he noticed. Remus bit his lip. It was now or never. Never seemed like an appealing option, but he resisted. “I need to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“You have to promise not to laugh.”

“Okay.”

“Or run away.”

“Okay.”

“Or–”

Sirius reached over and pressed a gentle hand on his neck, frowning at the rabid throb of his pulse underneath his fingers. “Remus. It’s okay.”

Remus closed his eyes, already feeling his mouth run dry and ice seep through his veins, freezing his body solid, save for his throat, burning red-hot under Sirius’ skin. “I’m…I…”

He couldn’t do it. The words were so close. Right there, and yet he couldn’t make them slip past his lips. He didn’t belong in Gryffindor. He wasn’t brave or courageous like Sirius, strong and confident like James.

“Hey,” Sirius whispered, sliding his hand down and lacing their fingers together. “It’s only me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m…” Remus started again, squeezing his hand. “I’m gay.”

There was only a second of silence before Sirius sighed, the kind of breath that’s always accompanied with a smile, even in the dark. “Cool.”

“Cool?” It wasn’t exactly the first word that Remus had thought of when Sirius had first come out to him last year.

Sirius shrugged, a little sheepish this time. “I mean, I’m glad you told me. It’s…I’m glad I know. Does it feel better?”

Remus nodded immediately, for the first time filling his lungs completely with crisp, cool air. His skin still burned hot in all the places where Sirius’ body pressed against his, but it wasn’t a bad pain; it was a constant, flaming reminder of where his heart longed to live. “Yes. So much better.”

“When did you figure it out?”

Sometime in third year, of course, when a certain stupid idiot came up with the idea to transform into a goddamn dog once a month to keep him company underneath the full moon. Remus shrugged. “I’m not really sure. I just…know, I guess.”

Sirius hummed in agreement, but his lips twisted to the side, as if not sure whether to believe him or not. “Well, I’m really proud of you, Moony. You’ve always been the bravest.”

Wrong. Sirius was so wrong. Historians could write entire symphonies about how brave Sirius was, how he risked everything for what he believed was right, how he refused to back down in the heat of battle, how he loved fiercely, blindly, and unapologetically. Remus lost his chance to disagree – and all the feeling in his body – when a soft pair of lips delicately pressed against his forehead.

“Try to get some rest, alright?”

Remus could only nod, knowing that sleep would be impossible tonight, maybe for the rest of his life.

“Just remember,” Sirius added, his voice already gravelly and thick with sleep. “I still love you. No matter what.”

Remus didn’t trust his voice to put together any kind of coherent sentence, so he let Sirius’ words hang in the air, dancing around his head and echoing between his ears. A long moment passed, and Sirius’ breaths evened out, the slow rise and fall a steady rhythm against Remus’ frantic heartbeat.

This was a new life. A free life, almost. The last chain he had to break was the one tying him to the wall, just out of reach of Sirius’ grasp, fingers stretching and straining and aching to touch his skin, learn the curves of his body, hold them so close together there was no telling where one boy started and the other ended.

And when Remus’ lips ghosted Sirius’ cheek, he could have sworn the moon burned brighter as Sirius smiled against his skin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Remus and Sirius come out to each other, they realize that there is still one more terrifying thing they have to do before they can be truly happy. They have to love each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr @simplysirius for daily fics and fan art! I also take requests :)

“Moony?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you awake?”

“No,” Remus sighed, pulling aside the blankets. There was a rush of cold air biting at his bare legs, quickly replaced with the warm skin of Sirius nestling beside him. Remus pushed his pillow aside so they could share, his nostrils flaring at he took in the fresh soap lingering on Sirius’ neck.

Sirius whispered, “I can’t sleep.”

“Neither can I,” Remus admitted, his shoulders sore from tossing and turning for endless minutes. It had only been mere days since Remus had confessed to Sirius, and while it felt like he had finally torn from the chains bolting him in a lonely prison, a new weight settled on his chest, right between his third and fourth rib. Where his heart once throbbed was now a concrete stone, heavy with the realization that coming out to Sirius had only been half of the truth.

Remus loved Sirius, and that was the full, terrifying, beautiful truth.

Sirius crawled closer to Remus, their noses nearly brushing, minty breath splashing over his cheeks. “Wanna go somewhere?”

“Whenever you ask me if I wanna go somewhere, we always just end up in the astronomy tower.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. But isn’t it easier to just say the astronomy tower?”

Sirius shrugged. “I like keeping you guessing.”

That much Remus could agree with. Did Sirius like him back? Did he get that same feeling building in Remus’ stomach whenever their skin brushed or their eyes met? Did Remus imagine the flash of hope striking Sirius’ eyes like lightning when he admitted he liked boys, too? Remus could only guess.

Stealing the Invisibility Cloak from James’ trunk was easy enough; after countless midnight escapades on their own, Sirius and Remus knew how to navigate the old wooden floors, exactly where to step to avoid the creaking boards. Together, they crept out of the room and made their way across the castle.

Climbing the twisting staircase to the very top of the tower, Remus tried not to think about their shoulders brushing, hands touching, hips bumping together as they struggled to keep the Cloak over their bodies. It was so incredibly hot under that blanket, Remus worried his night shirt would be darkened with sweat, sticking to his chest so tightly that Sirius could see the frantic beat of his heart.

When they made it to the tower, Remus ducked out from the Cloak, gulping in as much clear, chilly air as he could. Sirius settled on top of one of the tables, his legs swinging, eyes closed, letting the gentle night air rustle his hair.

When they visited the British Museum last summer, Remus remembered falling into one of the farthest rooms in the back, filled with magnificent marble sculptures taken from a Greek temple, the men and women frozen in time with their tunics blowing behind them, fingers stretching towards the sky, lips forming silent words. Remus saw the same beauty in Sirius now, all muscle and long lines and effortless grace.

“What are you thinking about?” Remus asked quietly, watching the easy rise and fall of Sirius’ chest.

He hummed. “A lot of things. I couldn’t sleep because my mind just keeps racing.”

“Good things or bad things?”

“Good. I just feel happy,” Sirius said quietly, a delicate smile tugging on his lips. “I don’t think I really remember ever being this happy, and I don’t even know why. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much.”

“I know what you mean,” Remus nodded, pressing the pads of his fingers to his mouth, feeling the numb tingling of too many smiles.

Sirius fell quiet for a moment, the thoughts crashing around in his head, wondering if he really wanted to know the answer to the question brewing. Watching the way the dim moonlight poured across Remus’ skin and into the dips of his scars, he decided he had to know. “Was there…anyone that made you realize that you’re gay? Like, you looked at him and you were kind of just like oh, that makes sense?”

Remus swallowed thickly. “Maybe. I think so. Yes. What about you?”

“Yeah.” It was vague, Sirius’ voice cloudy with constraint and nerves. “It makes a lot of sense.” With his lip taken sharply between his teeth, Sirius cast the cloak aside, slipping out onto the balcony. Remus followed quietly behind him, palms clammy.

Amidst the blanket of stars, the moon was but a tiny crescent, a thin curve of light, reassuring them that the full moon was not for weeks, that they still had some time to stay firmly human before they were forced to shed their skin.

“The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?” Sirius asked, his face tipped towards the sky, eyes steady on Remus.

Remus nodded, swallowing as he met Sirius’ gaze with trembling shoulders. “The stars, too.”

Neither knew who started leaning. One moment, the boys were standing on the balcony, and the next they were face to face, lips inching closer, fingers slowly crawling around hips and up necks. Remus’ lashes fluttered on Sirius’ cheek as he closed his eyes, holding his breath as soft, delicate lips pressed against his own.

When they pulled away, pressing their foreheads against each other, faces flushed red and wide grins tugging on their mouths, Sirius and Remus couldn’t do anything but laugh. How had they been so stupid? Sirius was Sirius and Remus was Remus. Loving each other was easy.

“I think I can die happy, now,” Sirius mused, draping his arms over Remus’ shoulders. He could touch Remus now; cup his cheek and rub a thumb behind his ear and draw circles on his shoulder blades. “It can’t get better than this.”

Remus frowned, settling his hands on Sirius’ hips, pulling him closer by the drawstring of his sweats. “I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t die quite yet, Sirius Black. I only just got you to myself.”

“Don’t worry. We have to make up for lost time, first.” Sirius pressed his lips to Remus’ again, fingers disappearing into his curls.

They fell asleep in the astronomy tower that night, peppering gentle kisses on each other’s faces until the night sky gave way to a pale morning. The air was cold, biting at their exposed skin and painting their cheeks dusty pink, but wrapped in each other’s arms, it was warm and tender, two heartbeats slowly finding a steady rhythm together, beating as one.


End file.
